It's been almost 2 months since I did my last post. I have been so sick with this pregnancy. I haven't been feeling up to updating the blog, but I want to start spending more time writing down the memories and experiences I've had throughout this struggle. I've learned so much about myself and I want to be able to remember that.
This sickness has been extremely hard on me, mostly physical, but emotional and spiritual as well. If you've ever been in a situation where you know you need help, then you understand how frustrating it can be. This is the first time in my life I've felt like this. Completely and utterly helpless. I am being controlled by the hormones taking over my entire body.
At one point, around 8 weeks, I wasn't keeping anything down. For 1 1/2 weeks I was throwing up all day. I lost 10 pounds. I thought I was going to be hospitalized due to dehydration. I reached a point of complete weakness. As I was hunched over the toilet I sobbed and started to pray. Why, why did I have to go through this? I thought it over and over again. And as I prayed, I was overwhelmed with peace. I had a distinct thought enter my mind. You are doing exactly what you need to be doing, and it will all be okay. This will not last forever. It will be worth it.
I was so grateful to have that revelation, because I know it's true. It will all be worth it. I know the second I hold this precious baby in my arms I will start to forget everything I went through leading up to that special day.
I had another day of sickness that Turner was being extremely difficult. He needed a diaper change and was not cooperating. As I struggled to keep him still I started to break down in tears and beg him to hold still while I changed him. He instantly looked up at me with sincere concern. He remained perfectly still and made every attempt to cheer me up. I was grateful at the time, but as I looked back on that moment later in the day it started to touch me even more. I knew that my son loved me. He didn't want me to feel sadness. He wanted me to be happy. He wanted me to feel better. What a comfort that was to me that day, and now.
I've had so much help through it all. My mom has dropped everything to come over and cook food, clean my house, and play with my son while I am less than capable to do it myself. She has nursed me to feel better on many different occasions and I couldn't have survived without her. She is an angel!
My husband has been so patient and understanding on the nights he comes home to a mess and no dinner on the table. He's done all of our grocery shopping and held me when I was feeling my worst. His love for me is something I am so grateful for and it makes my love for him grow even more.
So many friends and neighbors have offered to help me get through this difficult time and I have been completely overwhelmed by the love and support I have felt. There are so many wonderful people in this world and I am so glad to be surrounded by them!
I hope I can post some Halloween photos before we leave for California! I absolutely love this time of year! I hope everyone is having a happy October!