Posts tagged third
Pregnancy Diary: 36 Weeks
Pregnancy Diary: 36 weeks || shameful mom moments || forgiveness || waiting game

For the last week I've been having shameful mom moments. I've been sick with a nasty cold, and just found out that Turner most likely has a sinus infection causing all of his awful symptoms (puking, diarrhea, fever, sore throat, and ear ache). Lacking sleep, we're both irritable and not our normal selves. But I don't feel like that's a good excuse. I've been neglecting Turner to work on all of the baby projects on my list. I've lost my temper so many times and I'm ashamed to admit it. I'm ashamed that I yell sometimes. I'm embarrassed that I get upset about the most trivial things.

One moment in particular, I reacted to Turner dumping a container of bubbles intentionally all over the floor. I reacted so suddenly and furiously that he started to cry. I felt instant guilt and regret as I watched his tears stream down his precious face. I wanted to take it all away. I was ashamed of myself. I found myself breaking down in tears as I apologized to him for allowing myself to get so upset. We both continued to cry as I held him tight in my arms. As I tried to comfort him, he slowly stopped crying, but continued asking me to hug him. 

I knew he had already forgiven me, but I couldn't forgive myself. I knew that I should never react so uncontrollably. I should never let myself get so stressed/anxious/annoyed that I react in anger instead of patience and love. I continued to tell myself how I was a terrible mother. Then I remembered an article I read recently.

I remembered that I'm not perfect, nor will I ever be. I realized I'm not a terrible mom, I'm mom who is sleeping less, feeling sick, and stressed about managing two. I got so caught up in the worry of nurturing our ill son and preparing for the arrival of our second one, that I completely neglected my own needs. I have been skipping my daily study and reflection. I have not been exercising or spending time outside. I've allowed myself to lose sight of things that really matter.

I'm so grateful that my son is so willing to forgive. That he sees me as a comforter even when I'm the one who caused him to need comfort. It's such a blessing to have such special children. I want them to remember the best parts of me, not the worst. I want to become better every day for them. I pray every day that I can adjust well to two children. That I can give my all to both of them and still find time for my husband and myself. I want to be that for them so badly.

The scariest part is, it's coming soon whether I'm ready or not.The carseat base is officially installed. Turner's room just needs baseboards, trim, and one more coat of paint, then it can be filled with big boy things. The nursery can be set up once Turner moves downstairs. All of our necessities are purchased and being shipped to our home. Once they arrive I'll have the items we need to pack our bags for the hospital. Then it will just be the waiting game.

Even though it's been a rough week, the spirit has granted me so much peace that things will be smooth once baby arrives. I know I am not alone during my daily struggles. That knowledge is such a blessing in my life. 

Any day now...We can hardly wait to meet you, Grey. 

xo

Signature || Cheree || ADOS
 
Pregnancy Diary: 28 Weeks
Pregnancy Diary || The Third Trimester || 28 Weeks || A Dash of Salter
Pregnancy Diary || The Third Trimester || 28 weeks || A Dash of Salter

It's official. The beginning of the end has come. We started renovations on Turner's big boy room this weekend and by we I mean my husband. He rallied together some of our family members to make the work as light as possible. I can't believe how lucky I am to have someone who knows how to go to work and get things done. He is so open to improvement in all aspects of life and makes goals for himself often. I admire him so much, it's ridiculous. 

Meanwhile, I am trying to follow his example by making some goals of my own. I have some big things (at least to me they're big) that I'm pushing myself to do. To explain briefly, I'm in the process of starting a small modern baby quilt business with my mother in law. Go like the Stitch & Stork Facebook page to give some moral support and be updated on our opening. I'm also pushing myself to create some decor to add to our ADOS Etsy Shop, so stay tuned for updates on the blog/IG about that as well.

I'm really going out of my comfort zone here, because I struggle A LOT with thinking anything I create is destined to fail. I have very diverse interests and because my passions are so far spread I have a hard time feeling like any of my them are strengths. Since becoming pregnant especially, my anxiety and self doubt is through the roof. I'm not nearly as confident or as driven. It's rather depressing to even think about actually. I can't believe how different my temperament has been this pregnancy versus my last. I worry that PPD might hit me hard this time around, but I'm praying it doesn't.

My belly feels really big at this point and I still have 12 weeks of growing. This boy is a lot higher than turner was and it feels like someone blew up a balloon inside me and lodged it right underneath my ribs. The constant pressure makes me feel like I have an underwire bra permanently attached to my body even after I take mine off. 

It's become nearly impossible for me to hold Turner for more than 2 minutes straight. Which I wouldn't be so sad about if I knew he'd let me hold him for much longer, but he's becoming more independent each day. I'm hoping the adjustment goes well when little brother arrives. He's so sweet with babies, but will that change when there's a little one stealing my attention at home on a daily basis? All normal concerns for second time parents, I'm sure. I never want Turner to think I love him any less. A lot of our routines might change when the baby is born, but I hope I always give him the time to feel loved. 

And with that we're off to get ready for Turner's 2 year well check! I can't wait to hear how much he's grown! I hope everyone is having a wonderful new year so far! 

xo

Signature || Cheree || A Dash of Salter