Posts tagged pregnancy
Pregnancy Diary: 38 Weeks
Pregnancy Diary || 38 Weeks || ADOS || the final countdown to labor and delivery with baby number two, Grey

I can't believe I'm already to 38 weeks.

The last half of this pregnancy has FLOWN by. Honestly, ever since the unbearable sickness faded away, it's been an amazing pregnancy. This week I've been feeling cramping, increased discharge (TMI), and some minor swelling in my feet. I've gained less weight this time around, which has me feeling really accomplished. The best part? I found out at my appointment on Wednesday that I am already dilated to a 3 and 50% effaced which was extremely comforting!

The fact that my body is progressing more already than it did before going into labor last pregnancy is such a relief. I finally feel the comforting feeling, my husband has been trying to convince me of for months now, that this labor is going to be a much more pleasant experience. The biggest comfort of all is that I know what to expect. I know my body has done it before and is already preparing for the big stretch. (Baby Mama, anyone?) And last but not least, I know that I can do it regardless of how it turns out! 

I'm scheduled to be induced on the 11th at 9 am, but it could still happen on it's own before then. I did test positive for Group B Strep again, so that was kind of a bummer because I need to be on penicillin for a certain amount of time before pushing to make sure the bacteria doesn't spread to the baby. It's nothing I haven't been able to handle before though! Bring it on!

Starting today I'm doing all the squats, long walks, and other natural labor inductive behaviors to welcome this baby here as soon as he wants to come! (Find out on my previous post why I have been hoping he didn't come until April) The bags are all packed, Matthew is driving the car to work instead of taking the train, and the renovations on the big boy room and nursery are complete! 

I often find myself sitting in the rocker of the nursery, dreaming of holding our sweet baby in my arms. I couldn't be more anxious to meet our little moon boy and compare his uniquely perfect face to our not so little Turner. Did I mention already that the doctor noticed hair in his ultrasounds? Turner was completely bald, and I'm freaking out that I might have a little guy with some hair! 

The thing I look forward to the most is that moment you see them for the first time. It's like time stands still and all you can do is smile, laugh and cry at the same time. You feel so much love in an instant it completely overwhelms you. It's magical, in the most spiritual way.

Bearing children is such a wonderful gift. I'm so grateful to be a part of it all. It's at this point of my pregnancy that I feel conflicted with emotion about this sweet baby exiting my womb that I've carried him in for so long. I am one of those mama's who misses that feeling of being a vessel to life. When it's empty I struggle with it at first. Luckily, a sweet newborn to finally hold and cuddle and love makes up for a lot of that. I'll never stop loving the beauty of pregnancy. Never. But boy am I ready to hold an innocent little one from heaven in my arms again. We love him so much already. 

xo

Signature || Cheree || ADOS
 
Pregnancy Diary: 36 Weeks
Pregnancy Diary: 36 weeks || shameful mom moments || forgiveness || waiting game

For the last week I've been having shameful mom moments. I've been sick with a nasty cold, and just found out that Turner most likely has a sinus infection causing all of his awful symptoms (puking, diarrhea, fever, sore throat, and ear ache). Lacking sleep, we're both irritable and not our normal selves. But I don't feel like that's a good excuse. I've been neglecting Turner to work on all of the baby projects on my list. I've lost my temper so many times and I'm ashamed to admit it. I'm ashamed that I yell sometimes. I'm embarrassed that I get upset about the most trivial things.

One moment in particular, I reacted to Turner dumping a container of bubbles intentionally all over the floor. I reacted so suddenly and furiously that he started to cry. I felt instant guilt and regret as I watched his tears stream down his precious face. I wanted to take it all away. I was ashamed of myself. I found myself breaking down in tears as I apologized to him for allowing myself to get so upset. We both continued to cry as I held him tight in my arms. As I tried to comfort him, he slowly stopped crying, but continued asking me to hug him. 

I knew he had already forgiven me, but I couldn't forgive myself. I knew that I should never react so uncontrollably. I should never let myself get so stressed/anxious/annoyed that I react in anger instead of patience and love. I continued to tell myself how I was a terrible mother. Then I remembered an article I read recently.

I remembered that I'm not perfect, nor will I ever be. I realized I'm not a terrible mom, I'm mom who is sleeping less, feeling sick, and stressed about managing two. I got so caught up in the worry of nurturing our ill son and preparing for the arrival of our second one, that I completely neglected my own needs. I have been skipping my daily study and reflection. I have not been exercising or spending time outside. I've allowed myself to lose sight of things that really matter.

I'm so grateful that my son is so willing to forgive. That he sees me as a comforter even when I'm the one who caused him to need comfort. It's such a blessing to have such special children. I want them to remember the best parts of me, not the worst. I want to become better every day for them. I pray every day that I can adjust well to two children. That I can give my all to both of them and still find time for my husband and myself. I want to be that for them so badly.

The scariest part is, it's coming soon whether I'm ready or not.The carseat base is officially installed. Turner's room just needs baseboards, trim, and one more coat of paint, then it can be filled with big boy things. The nursery can be set up once Turner moves downstairs. All of our necessities are purchased and being shipped to our home. Once they arrive I'll have the items we need to pack our bags for the hospital. Then it will just be the waiting game.

Even though it's been a rough week, the spirit has granted me so much peace that things will be smooth once baby arrives. I know I am not alone during my daily struggles. That knowledge is such a blessing in my life. 

Any day now...We can hardly wait to meet you, Grey. 

xo

Signature || Cheree || ADOS
 
My Hospital Bag Essentials
My Hospital Bag Essentials || A Dash of Salter || Pregnancy preparation || mama, baby, tech

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Since I've done this once already, I have a much better idea of what I want and don't want in my hospital bag. You hardly need anything for baby because they provide a lot for you at the hospital. Besides the insurance cards, ID and birth plan, I've come to realize the bag is mostly for me. I'm spoiling myself with especially soft and comfy clothes to come home in this time around.

Having my toiletries made all the difference in the world for me last time, so it's definitely on the list again. I took a shower the morning after I delivered Turner and using my own products from home made me feel like a whole new woman. Makeup is something on my list that didn't make it last time. I'm expecting more visitors this time around, so having a little makeup to freshen up will make me feel ready to introduce baby Grey to our loved ones. Oh, and I'd never forget a nursing bra, pads, and nipple cream to keep those breasts feeling 100%.

Of course you need a darling going home outfit for your fresh little angel. I'll also be packing some sweet swaddles for those hospital baby photos I plan on taking with my nice camera. Who knows if it will actually happen, but it's on my list of to do's while in the hospital since I won't have a birth photographer again. Oh, and I'm in love with this darling carseat cover from copper pearl! It's perfect for protecting baby from the outside elements on your way out of the hospital, and stylish too!

The tech will help keep Matthew and I entertained during the whole labor and recovery process. We can play music during delivery and watch Netflix or VidAngel on our laptop. Not to mention, it'll make it easy to announce on social media to all of our family and friends once he arrives. Then I can call Grammy on my iPhone and let them know when to bring Turner to meet his baby brother!

Something I didn't put on this list that I read about today is sibling gifts. I'll be bringing along a gift for Turner from "baby brother" and a gift for Grey that Turner can give to him when they meet for the first time! I'm getting so excited about that whole scene. I keep imagining it over and over in my mind. It makes me so happy!

Tomorrow morning Matthew is coming to an ultrasound for the very first time this pregnancy. I'm excited for him to meet our new doctor and see Grey wiggling around in person! We'll be discussing our birth plan, concerns, and expectations with the doctor which I'm hoping will make us both feel more involved during this delivery. I'm sure I'll be posting an update about it very soon. 

What are some of your hospital bag essentials for labor and delivery? Let me know what you can't survive without in the comments below! 

xo

Signature || Cheree || ADOS
 
Pregnancy Diary: 33 weeks
Pregnancy Diary: 33 Weeks || ADOS

It's starting to get really real over here. At my appointment on Monday the baby was measuring at 4 lbs 9 oz. I'm well on my way to having another 8 pounder. Insert distressed emoticon here. My doctor suggested I think about being induced at 39 weeks because my last delivery was so difficult. I can't believe how much comfort it brought me to hear him say those words. Knowing that's an option and that my doctor wants me to have an easy delivery brings me such peace of mind.

It's not really until now that I realized how traumatizing my first delivery was. As the day is approaching to have Grey, I am feeling more anxiety and fear that it will be exactly the same as last time. While I've received a lot of encouragement from family and friends that my body knows what to do now, I can't help but think about how I felt like a failure for the first three and a half hours of pushing with Turner. Granted, I didn't have much of a coach throughout the process. I only saw my doctor 5 or 6 times in the 10 hours I was at the hospital. 

Still, it was frustrating to me to think I wasn't strong enough to push out my baby. He was in the birth canal for 4 hours before he arrived. I feel completely responsible for his stay in the NICU.  I have prayed so many times that with Grey it will be different. That it'll be a smooth delivery. That I will have the strength and ability to ensure a healthy delivery for him. I don't know if an induction will help me do that, but I'm hoping to be inspired to know what will be best for me and my sweet baby boy. 

Until then I'm choosing to stay hopeful. To have faith in myself and my experiences. To trust in my Father in Heaven. I'm choosing to be grateful for a healthy child and an uncomplicated pregnancy. For the blessing to be a part of creating another human life. I'm choosing to think about the first time I'll hold my precious son in my arms, and when he will meet his incredible father and his big brother. That day will be the sweetest of days. And although I'm afraid, I'm dreaming of that day to come.

xo

Signature || Cheree || ADOS
 
Pregnancy Diary: 28 Weeks
Pregnancy Diary || The Third Trimester || 28 Weeks || A Dash of Salter
Pregnancy Diary || The Third Trimester || 28 weeks || A Dash of Salter

It's official. The beginning of the end has come. We started renovations on Turner's big boy room this weekend and by we I mean my husband. He rallied together some of our family members to make the work as light as possible. I can't believe how lucky I am to have someone who knows how to go to work and get things done. He is so open to improvement in all aspects of life and makes goals for himself often. I admire him so much, it's ridiculous. 

Meanwhile, I am trying to follow his example by making some goals of my own. I have some big things (at least to me they're big) that I'm pushing myself to do. To explain briefly, I'm in the process of starting a small modern baby quilt business with my mother in law. Go like the Stitch & Stork Facebook page to give some moral support and be updated on our opening. I'm also pushing myself to create some decor to add to our ADOS Etsy Shop, so stay tuned for updates on the blog/IG about that as well.

I'm really going out of my comfort zone here, because I struggle A LOT with thinking anything I create is destined to fail. I have very diverse interests and because my passions are so far spread I have a hard time feeling like any of my them are strengths. Since becoming pregnant especially, my anxiety and self doubt is through the roof. I'm not nearly as confident or as driven. It's rather depressing to even think about actually. I can't believe how different my temperament has been this pregnancy versus my last. I worry that PPD might hit me hard this time around, but I'm praying it doesn't.

My belly feels really big at this point and I still have 12 weeks of growing. This boy is a lot higher than turner was and it feels like someone blew up a balloon inside me and lodged it right underneath my ribs. The constant pressure makes me feel like I have an underwire bra permanently attached to my body even after I take mine off. 

It's become nearly impossible for me to hold Turner for more than 2 minutes straight. Which I wouldn't be so sad about if I knew he'd let me hold him for much longer, but he's becoming more independent each day. I'm hoping the adjustment goes well when little brother arrives. He's so sweet with babies, but will that change when there's a little one stealing my attention at home on a daily basis? All normal concerns for second time parents, I'm sure. I never want Turner to think I love him any less. A lot of our routines might change when the baby is born, but I hope I always give him the time to feel loved. 

And with that we're off to get ready for Turner's 2 year well check! I can't wait to hear how much he's grown! I hope everyone is having a wonderful new year so far! 

xo

Signature || Cheree || A Dash of Salter