Posts in Believe
I Lost an Angel on Mother's Day

*WARNING: TRIGGER POST*
Contains details of a miscarriage.

Bumps Ahead | Pregnancy Announcement, miscarriage, loss, infertility, taboo

This is the photo we took on our Anniversary while in San Francisco to announce our pregnancy. We didn't know we would lose our angel upon our return, let alone on Mother's Day.

Near the end of last year, Matthew and I felt prompted to start planning for a third child. In January I was finally able to schedule an appointment with an OBGYN to get my IUD removed. In the past my pregnancies have been quickly conceived with close to no complications. February came and I had a period. March came and I had another period.

I remember having the thought that I was going to miscarry for some reason, but it had never happened before so I completely dismissed the thought.

That's when we decided to try an ovulation test kit. The beginning of April  I started peeing in a cup every day to test if I was ovulating. I kept getting negative after negative. Some faint lines, but on an ovulation test that still means negative. The end of April was drawing near and I wasn't having a period, but I still wasn't testing positive for ovulation. 

Then suddenly I got my first strong positive ovulation test on April 30th, again on May 1st, and again on the 2nd. It seemed so bizarre, but we took advantage of it anyway. Without my knowledge, Matthew did a second test from my sample cup on the 2nd. But not with an ovulation test, with a pregnancy test! That's when he told me that I was pregnant. He knelt down, announced it to me and kissed my belly in the sweetest way. I was in shock and overjoyed at the same time because we were about to go on a vacation to celebrate our anniversary! The timing couldn't have been more perfect.

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I changed my period tracking app to pregnancy mode, and there was a digital image of a 5 week old fetus that appeared on the screen. I still couldn't believe it was real!

When we arrived in SF I started spotting. At first it seemed fine, like implantation bleeding, but I had a feeling something might be wrong. It stopped the next day and so I didn't worry about it very much. On our anniversary we took the 'bumps ahead' photo. What I didn't know at the time was the irony that photo would have just a week later. The women taking the photo congratulated us and they were elated by our upcoming announcement. I was starting to accept and believe that this was really happening!

We got home on the 8th, and the next morning I started bleeding again. But this time it wasn't light and it definitely didn't seem normal. I just kept bleeding. The 10th, 11th, 12th, and on Mother's Day I watched as clots and strings of blood left my body. Every time I went to the bathroom I was terrified that I would somehow see a 6+ week old fetus on the pad lining my underwear. 

Throughout the day, I felt depressed and yet comforted. As if in my mind I knew this was going to happen, but my heart still wouldn't accept it. The lessons in church were so incredibly special and applicable to me that day. I couldn't stop sobbing. 

Yesterday Matthew gave me a priesthood blessing and he said that I would be comforted through this loss. As a definite statement, not a question. I had scheduled a doctors appointment for Tuesday, so even though it felt final I held on to a fraction of hope that maybe I'd hear a little heartbeat in there, still beating. 

Today I watched the doctor do the ultrasound. The screen was dark and I saw my empty uterus. It confirmed all of my feelings and fears. To have that excitement start and end in such a short span of time. It's impossible to explain how heavy the loss felt on my heart in that moment. And yet, somehow I feel okay. I feel like God prepared my mind for this all along.

Still.

I lost an angel on Mother's Day.

I don't know why this happened. Why my husband was prompted to do a pregnancy test, and why it was over before I really accepted it. But I do know that God has a plan for me. This loss is a part of His plan and it's a part of my story now.

I'll see you again one day, my angel baby.

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Favorite General Conference Quotes | October 2017 | Free Printables
 
 

It's that time of year again, where I get to ponder and reread the words shared by the prophets. Though I do not get a lot out of listening to the live addresses, two toddlers...you know what I mean? I thoroughly enjoy listening in the weeks following while I read, underline and highlight the revelation given by inspired women and priesthood leaders of the LDS church. April of last year was the first year I decided to create and offer my free general conference printables! That was how my blog really started to take off! I have loved getting messages from you about how you are utilizing my printables to share with those around you!! It's wonderful how faith can bring us together from all places around the world. 

I made a little more than usual this year, but there are too many good ones!!! Plus, I had wayyyy too much fun with the Adobe Sketch app to make these watercolor effects. Creativity has always been such a good way for me to express my faith. Writing and artistic design have helped me stay in touch with my personal spirituality through out the years, and I believe that's because my creative mind is one of my God given gifts. It allows me to slow down and appreciate the beauty in the world around me. I can't always speak the way I feel, but I can through artful expression.

I create for myself. It helps me share my faith and testimony, and I pray that it can uplift someone along the way. 

Going into conference weekend, I always try to have questions in my mind that I can receive revelation for. I've yet to come away with them unanswered, whether by the words of the prophets or whisperings of the spirit. The biggest take away for me this conference was how my unique and divine nature is important in my Heavenly Father's eternal plan. And that His plan is better than my own. Sometimes I get so caught up in the things I want to accomplish or overcome, that I forget to ask what His plan is for me. If there is one thing I've learned in my life thus far, it's that His plan is ALWAYS BETTER than the one I have for myself. 

I know that I am His daughter and that He has a plan for me. Never forget you are a child of God, and He has a plan for you. Listen/watch/read the Prophet's addresses at LDS.org or for more information on what I believe go to Mormon.org

Click on the image you want to download (8x10) - save and print to your hearts content!
I love you all, and I'm so grateful for the tribe I've found through my blogging journey.  I hope you're having a wonderful week! 

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Favorite General Conference Quotes | April 2017 - FREE PRINTABLES

Finally getting around to sharing all of my FAVORITE #LDSconf quotes!

General Conference is always such an anticipated time for me. Listening to the prophets and apostles speak is both inspiring and uplifting. I like to prepare myself by thinking of a question or things that are currently happening in my life that are stressing me out. So of course this time around I had our real estate adventure on the brain! Throughout all of the sessions, I felt so touched by everything I heard. The spirit is so incredible! It can tell each of us something completely unique while we're listening to the same words. I'm so grateful for that! I definitely received the inspiration that I needed.

You can watch or read any session of LDS conference on LDS.org

I hope you enjoy these printables of my favorite quotes from conference! What were your favorites? Make sure to comment them at the bottom of this post! Love you guys! 

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He Knows | Christ's Love | Look Up | First Prompting | God's Choir | God Knows You

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A Guiding Hand
A Guiding Hand | Revelation, Real Estate, Personal Guidance

Throughout my whole life I've felt God's hand, guiding me. Even more so since becoming a parent. Over the last three years I've tried extra hard to listen to the promptings He has given me concerning me and my family. This last year and a half has been a whirlwind of change. We added another child to our family, moved away from our family's to a new city, and my husbands starting his third job. That third job and the inspiration leading up to it are something I want to record, so when it gets hard I can remember that God has a bigger plan for us.

Rewind to Christmas time. Matthew and I were driving home when he sparked a conversation about being impressed to look into being a real estate agent. We decided to follow through with the prompting and scheduled a time to meet with our realtor, who has been in the industry for 20+ years, to see if it was something we'd be interested in. 

The first week of January, we met with him in his wife in their home. We were expecting to be talked out of the whole idea, but instead left feeling even more convinced we should get into it. The next week we went to the temple to pray and ponder over this decision. We both received strong impressions that Matthew should pursue real estate. He had a distinct thought that it would be hard, but he would be successful. That night he signed up for an online course to get his license.

120 hours and 3 weeks later, he had finished the course. The next week he took the exam and passed! Basically a month and a half later after our first discussion, he was a licensed realtor. I started working on his website and setting up his social media platforms while he looked into brokerages to work under, hence the reason I've been so MIA on here and social media. 

It has been so exciting to be a part of Matthew's work. I've never had the opportunity to work with him like this before, and I love it so much. To support him with skills I've acquired from starting THIS BLOG is such an amazing feeling. His website is Utah Listing Pro if you want to check it out. ;) This is something that he's truly passionate about, and it's contagious! 

Anyway, Matthew shopped around for a brokerage he felt would train him to be as successful and we found that program at Mountain Land Realty. He met with the broker and wanted to start training there as soon as possible. That same week the FBI showed up at Alliance Health, his employer at the time. They were told to back away from their desks and head home because AH was under investigation. 

When he walked in the door on a Thursday morning at 10 AM, I was shocked. Then when he told me what happened I couldn't believe it. He couldn't go back to work until Monday so we decided now was as good of time as any to pray about going full time with real estate. We both felt good about that decision, so on Monday he walked into work and gave them his two weeks.

Fast forward to today, Matthew found out that Alliance let go one third of the company. That's 300 people! We feel so strongly that the Lord is aware of our circumstances, and we've felt him guiding us and our family. There were so many times we questioned why we should be impressed to do this or that, but it is so clear to us now that God has His guiding hand in our lives. 

He knows what is best for us and for that I'm grateful. I'm grateful to have someone to turn to when we don't know what our future holds. 

Favorite General Conference Quotes || October 2016 FREE PRINTABLES

I'm finally back to share my favorite general conference quotes from the October General Conference! I really struggled to narrow it down, so I'm sharing more than I did last time! I find so much joy in reflecting on the words of conference while creating these printables. I've also been touched by the many people who have reached out to me in gratitude for the printables I made after the last general conference in April.  

It's amazing how even a little thing like this can be an influence for good. I love that the gospel of Jesus Christ is a gospel of sharing goodness. To love and uplift everyone we come in contact with. To be a light and an influence for the good that is in this world. 

Today I had the opportunity to sing at a sacrament meeting held in a independent living retirement home, and it was such a special experience. To see in their eyes that the gospel is true in every stage of life. The peace I felt among them is indescribable. Their smiling faces looking at me as I sang about our loving Savior touched my spirit so deeply. I often feel that my talents are insignificant, but moments like that help me realize what a blessing those talents truly are. Especially in my own spiritual progression. 

It's so easy to the talents of others and compare ourselves to them. I'm challenging myself, and all of you, to pray for the realization of your own talents. I pray that I'll have more opportunities to use my talents for the benefit of all, that I can be an influence for good. I hope we can all do the same. To lift instead of criticize. To love instead of judge. Just as He did. 

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